Excerpts

Sat, 07 Nov 2009 05:36:04 GMT

daily doodle

Tue, 13 Oct 2009 17:39:06 GMT

I’m in California. I don’t think it’s quite set in yet, or perhaps I’m just holding back some happiness because I don’t want the crushing blow that will come when I return to Pensacola. It’s just so nice here. Ms. Yvonne’s house definitely adds to that, but it’s not just that. Joe and I went for a walk yesterday. Not only could I walk around despite having asthma trouble, but I got a little light headed from getting too much oxygen. Seriously the dryness of the air is really something I miss. It gives you more stamina, you can walk farther, and consequently, do more. The hills are also a very pleasant reminder of how much I love this place. Right behind my computer is a window that frames these rolling, serene golden hills with little trees scattered over them. I feel like there’s a weight lifted from being here. I really really miss living here. I’m not sure what’s going on today. Yesterday I got some art supplies from a local art store. I actually spent way more money than I wanted to on the supplies, but it was a bulk purchase, and I won’t have to drop that much at once again. Then we ate at Chipotle, which I dearly miss. I forgot how light all the food in California is. It’s so delicious. People think of chipotle and they think of heavy Mexican food but it’s not. I mean yea it’s a burrito place, but I got a rice bowl with chicken and corn and stuff and it was just a light lunch. There are other places I’m looking forward to going while we’re here. Dynasty, which is a Mongolian barbeque, adeburto’s… OMG I can’t wait for that. “California Mexican food” is better than authentic Mexican I’m sorry. It’s awesome. Then there’s benne hanna’s which is still the best hibachi grill I’ve ever been too, much much better than yuki’s. There are places in San Fran too. And you better believe I’m getting some chocolate covered bananas while I’m in the city. None of that half banana crap you get in grocery stores, a whole banana covered in chocolate. Nomnomnom.

So enough about food. You know as I’ve been here the last day and a half I’ve been thinking that I could use this as a starting point. I started to lose it in pcola. I can only stay there so long before I start itching to get away. I’m a little worried that there’s nothing I can do. I didn’t even have to think about it, when I got here, I just automatically became more active. I started doing homework, keeping my room clean, etc… Fairfield and San Fran are just good for me. They bring out the best in me. Pcola… not so much. I want to change that, but what if I can’t? I feel like in Pcola I’m fighting an invisible demon. Like pcola itself is out to mold me into a lazy redneck or something. But there is hope. It’s not that I’m just going back and it’s like “oh well now I’m back in Pcola…” I have exactly one year left when I get back. Come next October, joe and I will be leaving pcola. In fact, I believe come febuary, he’ll be negotiating for orders. It certainly makes things brighter. Anyway, today is module 6 in school, the week before midterms. I’ve gotta go to all my classes and write down everything, including late work. I’ve actually got a lot to do this week, but if I work hard this week, next week will be very easy going, and I want that, since I’ll be in Tahoe come Friday. I don’t want too much work in tahoe. BTW, I’ll take pics and post them!

More later…

Mon, 05 Oct 2009 02:43:38 GMT

ANNOUNCEMENT: I'm not keeping OneBlanket. I wanted to reinvent myself in some way through my online names, and perhaps I will change my DA name for proffessional reasons, but I think what I really need to change is the constant reinventions. I'm going to stick with ArchetypeAngel. FYI...

So I may start doing my journals as excerpts from my regular journal, which I keep on my computer. This is today's.

Things are getting a little more stressful around the house with the vacation coming soon. It’s going to be like night and day. Tomorrow is going to be complete chaos, I have so much stuff to get done. All the stress is starting to get to me in bad ways, particularly my diet. I do have my sleep schedule under control though. I’m a little worried about school, that’s the main thing. After that my priority is to get the house clean and pay our bills, then it’s just a matter of doing all the little things that don’t really take that much time. I also have to carefully plan my packing. I have a lot I want to bring and I don’t want to take up too much space. I thought about buying another writing book today. I don’t get the addiction, I write so much better on the computer than on paper but I still feel the urge to buy writing books all the time. When I’m stressed I always think, “well if I get a new writing book I’ll be able to get it all out and then I’ll feel better.” It’s weird. The truth is, writing on paper DOESN’T make me feel better at all. Typing is way more rewarding, that’s why I’ve kept the same livejournal for so long. That’s another thing I don’t get. The need to reinvent my livejournal name over and over. Why can’t I be happy looking into my past, even if I don’t particularly like how I was, I want to improve, and how can I do that if I don’t know where I’ve come from? What If I get worse, and reading my current journals becomes a comfort? What if I get better and these journals remind me that I wasn’t always perfect. I feel that no professional will see my livejournal, and ArchetypeAngel is a decent name. I think changing my lj name comes from the same desire as getting a new writing book. One thing I love that I can do now is video record. Doing video journals is such a great way of releaving stress. I can get out all the little things I want to talk through without boring my friends. It’s great. Anyway, let’s get back on topic. Tomorrow I may need the help of some caffeinated tea or something, it won’t be easy. Here’s my list:

- Call airport about valet parking and what I can and cannot bring on the flight

- Talk to joe about car arrangements

- Take car to shop and get light looked at

- Complete all M4 work as follows:

- 1: post in religions discussions

- 2: complete all Comics work

- 3: complete figure study masters assignment

- 4: complete figure study M4 assignment when joe comes home (if I need a model)

- 5: complete exercise for Illustration M4

- 6: if work has been reviewed, complete Illustration M4 shirt

- 7: post in all discussions

- After schoolwork, work on list for trip, doing anything that can be done on Monday. If everything is as done as it’s gonna be, clean the house.

Yea my schoolwork is going to be really tough. I got sick of doing it today, but I did learn that it’s easy for me to focus on just one assignment at a time, so in the future, when I plan out my stuff, I can do one assignment a day, unless I have six or more. Usually I have five and religions discussions, so that should work out. In M5, however, I’ll be doing at least one class a day, if not more, because I don’t want any work to do Sunday or Monday when I arrive in Cali. All in all, my goal is to have the house clean and all my schoolwork handled before the trip. It’s a lot more work than it seems. I just feel like all of this is work, and I really shouldn’t. Everything I’m doing and have to do is because of something I want to do. I want to be an artist, so I’m working hard in school. I want to go to Cali and have a great vacation so I’m trying to get everything taken care of. I love my petws so I’m dog proofing the house, etc… There is nothing that I am doing that I don’t agree with. That’s a good feeling to have. That’s why I don’t get this weight gain thing. I like myself, I mean I genuinely like myself, and overall I’m not that stressed… I don’t know how all these bad habits started. This week I need to take care of things for the trip, and in Cali, I think I can get a great start on my diet. Once I leave, and there’s nothing unusual to worry about, I need to always write down my calorie intake everyday. I think it’s time to break out my planner again. I haven’t had a need for it, I may have thrown it away… I could buy a new one if I wanted, most new planners come with part of the year before. I love having a planner too… I think that would be a better purchase than a writing book. Lists are much easier to keep up with. Tomorrow, I think I’ll get myself some coffee and a new planner from the nex,I think it’ll help right now.Just like this computer has become my center for a lot of things, I do need something on paper, and I think a planner is the best thing I could buy.

K, hopefully joe’s not still sick tomorrow, and I hope I don’t get sick. Time to sleep now. Chow

Sat, 26 Sep 2009 04:11:24 GMT

I've changed my account. Did you know you have to pay 15 dollars just to change your name? no thank you, I'd rather downgrade. Anyway my new name is oneblanket. I'll be requesting all of my friends again soon.

Thu, 24 Sep 2009 01:33:38 GMT

My laptop comes tomorrow. I'm really excited. I feel like it marks a new start, like I finally have a good enough computer to organize ... my life basically. There are a lot of things I want to do with the laptop. I'm officially kicking paper journals for good (because I buy too many of them) and doing typed journals, and I may change my username on most of my online forums, I'll post an announcement if that happens. I want tomorrow to be a fresh start. I feel like a new, nice computer is like getting a new work studio. It'll be entirely mine, and I've NEVER had a computer that was mine like this. I'm looking forward to it.

Mon, 21 Sep 2009 15:20:44 GMT

My classes in one sentence each:

Intro to Painting the figure: draw the human body five million times and you'll be good at it.

Comics: pencil and inking: Use the goddamn blue pencil!

Illustration 2: If you don't treat me like I'm a client paying you 3000 dollars a sketch, I will flunk you faster than you can bullshit your way through preliminary work.

Comparative religions: Christianity is just another religion.

Fri, 18 Sep 2009 04:50:45 GMT

backstory: so joe and I watch bully beatdown, nitro circus and rob dyrdek's fantasy factory every thursday. Our friend schouten also watches these shows, and one week, he came over and watched the shows with us. We wanted to make it a tradition, but over the next two weeks, schouten didn't come over, much to the irritation of joe. Joe kept saying "schouten you're ruining our tradition!" and this week, this is what happened (schouten is dildo, joe is bobo)

bobobaju: wtf
Dildo | FGNC: sup
bobobaju: you coming tonight?
Dildo | FGNC: no
bobobaju: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gRdfX7ut8gw

Fri, 11 Sep 2009 15:35:47 GMT

new "the fall" icons hooray! This movie is growing on me in a big way. I thought it was decent when I saw it, and it like, laid dorment in the back of my mind. I think I've fallen completely in love with it. I didn't think ANY movie was ever going to replace how I used to feel about gladiator, but this one might. I watched it recently and I have the urge to rewatch it again. The commentary is really good too.

sick

Wed, 26 Aug 2009 17:37:20 GMT

My anniversary was good. We ate at a restaurant and watched a movie and stuff. We really just spent a day together, it was nice. The night before our anniversary, I got sick and threw up. I wasn't sleeping well and I was constantly sleepy, and then after joe went to bed at like 9 pm I woke up all of a sudden and leveled my shaman to 20 and got him a mount. Then last night I was out cold, and woke up feeling pretty good. I brought joe to work and suddenly got a huge headache and stomach ache. I think I'm just sick or something. I'm not working out today which honestly makes me feel a little guilty, but I don't know what else I can do. I feel soooo sleepy and my head is throbbing. I feel like if I try to work out I'll end up making myself more sick. I have work this evening so I don't want to worsen whatever I have. bleh. A PRESENT FROM SOMEONE could make me feel better. *sniff*

Thu, 13 Aug 2009 01:26:44 GMT

I'll probably keep this short. This morning I called the loan people. My mom's approved, they're running an income verification. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. With my extra expenses this semester and the lack of a cal grant, I was worried I wouldn't be attending. Another semester under the belt. After finding this out, I took sasha to the beach. It was really adorable to see her swim for the first time, although my arms are really torn up. She's a little skiddish, and carrying her out to the water resulted in a full blown freak out. I held on to her though, I didn't want her to panic and go under, so I rode it out until she wore herself out. Then I started helping her swim out and back with the leash. After she was ok with that, I started throwing her ball, and eventually, after much coaxing, she would swim out by herself and swim to me. It was really nice. I came home and got lunch for joe and I. A huge storm came through and we lost power, so we were reading for a while before we scavanged for an early dinner. We're short on food since we get paid friday, and I WAS going to make good use of the stir fry beef, but with no power we had tuna on hot dog buns, chips and dip, and goldfish. It was anything but nutritious haha. Then out of nowhere, joe's nose starting bleeding (he suffers from really bad nosebleeds because his blood vessels in his nose are sensitive) so he took a shower until it stopped. Then he went to work at 6 (weird schedule with him right now) and I decided to go to a coffee shop with Wi-Fi. I really really hope there's power when I get home. Today seems like a good day to revive one of my old stories, or perhaps start a new one. I've been feeling this nagging in the back of my head to start up a story of some kind, I don't have one right now. We'll see. I'm so happy I get to take classes. I'm really looking forward to compartive religion.

In other news, I started Elantris. I'm only about 70 pages in, but it's interesting. Sanderson certainly has a habit of dragging out the beginning of his books. Yes, I understand the situation now, let's move on. It's usually worth it though. I find his characters are much more concrete since he takes to time to establish them fully, so I'll hang in there.

Tue, 11 Aug 2009 15:18:52 GMT

I'm completely on edge right now. I thought that since I was applying for student loans way earlier than I normally do, that everything would work out great before the start of my semester, but I honestly don't know if I'll even be attending this fall. I need just under 5000 to go to school, because I desperately need a laptop, among the rest of my tuition and my other supplies. I couldn't go through sallie mae because they changed their policy, and I'd have to make monthly payments while still in school. It's not that bad, and I'm considering going through them again next semester, but I didn't this one. I went through PNC, another loan company that is recommended by my school. The process is very painful. First, I applied, and I wasn't approved so I got my mom to cosign, which was a whole song and dance. Then they wanted employment verification from her, so I called her and she emailed her paystub to them. I called them and they were still waiting to get it. It took 2 weeks for them to tell me they never got it. She emailed the pay stub to me, and I emailed it to them. I called them this morning only to find out that they need a paystub from the last two months, and my mom's was too old. Now my mom is already being really bitchy about going through this, and finally she's like "lauren I can't find any of this stuff." Eventually she asks one of her coworkers and apparently they're going to make her a paystub so she can send it. And I'm doing all of this not even knowing if she'll get approved. What if she's denied? I'm fucked if that happens. I start school at the beginning of september, I have no time at all to find someone else. At this point, I'm already concerned that even if I'm approved, I won't get my supplies in time. If I seriously have to skip another semester, I'm going to fucking kill myself. It's bad enough that I can't go on campus, but not even going period. I already waited a year to go to college, and my school is a year longer than most, I don't want to delay this any longer. It's starting to feel like maybe I SHOULD have just joined the military with joe. Christ.

awake

Fri, 07 Aug 2009 14:45:08 GMT

Yesterday was joe's birthday. We didn't do all that much. He couldn't get the day off of work so he was away most of the day. I got up with him and made him breakfast, then I went and got him a book (the sequel to the one he's currently reading,) a boba-fett bobble head, some candy and chocolate and a card. He liked it. His mom's card also came in yesterday so he opened that with everything. It was a nice card with a hemmingway's gift certificate in it. I was very happy about that. I love hemmingways. (fyi, hemmingways is a beach restaraunt based on Ernest Hemingway, with a very cafe like menu - that is lots of bisques and sandwiches and seafood of course. It's absolutely delicious.) I rented him a game from gamestop as well (fight night round 4) but he didn't end up playing it. WoW sucked him in lolz. Then he waited until 7 to tell me what he wanted for dinner. I made him a stir fry which didn't turn out quite right and we watched some TV. All in all it was a good day. I think tomorrow we'll probably go out to dinner or something.

In other news, I bought Elantris but have yet to read it. I read the first page or two and I swear to god the premise to every brandon sanderson novel sounds like an excerpt from one of kelly's stories. Well I guess now it's just kelly's story, now that they're combined. Anyway it makes me laugh. "the shining city with shining people" and "the lord ruler and the colorful nobility with the not so colorful skaa" HMMMMM. Anyway I'll probably start it at some point today.

strange mood

Sun, 02 Aug 2009 14:56:47 GMT

So I finished Hero of Ages. I liked it, although I didn't know quite what to make of the ending at first. I was reading it really late at night, so my mind was a little muddled, but the next day I decided I liked it. Much like the last two books, with all the complaining I did, it came together at the end. Sazed becoming a diety just wouldn't mean the same thing if he hadn't have scrutinized his own faith, and having Elend die to make a statement about the differences in preservation and ruin made sense, but you couldn't have just one of them die really. It made sense for Vin to have nothing to lose after that. Man Elend died in a pretty gruesome way I have to say. He finally became a king figure and he gets decapitated. Harsh. Anyway the end was very biblical in a way, but it was nice. With all of the hopelessness in this book with everyone freaking out, having a utopia at the end seemed fitting. My favorite thing about the ending was Sazed recalling different religions. I really liked Sazed as a scholar, I tend to respect people in real life who have a vast knowledge of something, and the concept of going through his metalminds and bringout out all religions and then mimicking what they described was really cool to me. I appreciated the mention of Kelsier, Vin and Elend as being in heaven, although it wasn't necessary. The end of this book made me realize why people found it obvious that Sanderson was religious. He made a powerful statement about faith, and a valid one. The messege as I took it, was that a religion doesn't have to be real or make sense or even be correct, it just needs to bring happiness and give hope. It also says something about Christianity, which often times doesn't serve the purpose a religion should. Anyway, good series. I'll probably pick up another Sanderson novel today after work.

After I finished the book I realized my problems were still waiting for me. I had completely engrossed myself in this book and did literally nothing but read it from morning to night unless I had to work or eat or something. When I finished it I kind of woke up again, realizing there was stuff I needed to take care of. I'm really stressed about my student loan. Not only am I going through a different company that my school recommended (sallie mae changed their policy a bit, so I didn't want their loan) but I need my mom to cosign it, and I pray she doesn't get turned down. I honestly don't know what I would do. There ARE some other people I could ask, but I feel really guilty asking my grandparents. But I mean, they have the best credit. My grandfather doesn't like cosigning things, and my grandmother, nana mei, is going to slap me silly when she sees my grades. I may have to forge them.... which would make me feel guilty. I'm just worried, this semester is really important and this loan is really important because I need a new computer. Seriously, it's not want, it's NEED.

I've been in a weird mood lately. I go through mood swings with Pensacola, and right now I feel really lethargic, which happens. I call it the gulf coast syndrome, because anytime I came down here to visit or whatever I wouldn't feel like doing anything. It just gets worse if you live here. It's like all motivation is sucked out of you, and you have to fight it off. Maybe it's the humidity, maybe it's sucking your energy out. bleh.

the Well of Ascension

Wed, 22 Jul 2009 03:41:38 GMT

I just finished it today. Joe was a little irritated that I was reading all day, but I felt... odd. This morning I went to my normal doctor's appointment for my back, and I decided to ask him about the pain in my knees. I'd felt it recently and the more I worked out the worse it got. Today I woke up and could barely walk. I wouldn't tell this to joe, I think he perceives pain differently than I do. He'd think I was exaggerating. But it was that painful, so I asked about it. Turns out I have a disorder. It's hereditary, and it's also known as runner's knees. I have weak knees that shift instead of stay tight, so my cartilage moves around and grinds on my bones. the cartilage wears away and that's where the pain is. I need to do certain rehab exercises every day and lay off the running, replacing it with swimming or an upper body cardio. My doctor said that after a year, I could use my legs like a normal person and run regularly, but only after I build up the support muscles in my legs. I mean I can run, just not five times a week like I was. I just felt broken. I try hard to be healthy and then this happens. I feel cursed somehow, and I felt crestfallen. So I didn't want to do anything. I sat in one spot all day and read my book, until it got good. Then I couldn't put it down.

I remember earlier in this book. I kept saying "my god this shit is boring" and "I don't really like elend anymore." I forgive any doubts I had in Sanderson. The end was awesome, to say the least. It was all worth it. The battles, the emotions and the final scene when Elend is burning pewter left me begging for more. I would have one complaint that stands though. One of my favorite characters, Sazed, isn't as interesting as he once was. I preferred him as the mysterious ever supportive steward, a side character that made me as a reader feel very calm when he spoke. He's still Sazed, but now he's way too contemplative. I mean I understand, but I found myself skimming over his parts, barely caring about how he took the loss of Twindyl or whatever her name was. All I cared about were Vin and Elend. I really thought I'd feel empty through this book without Kelsier, because I was thirsty for any part of book one that had kelsier in it, but I found that Vin and Elend together more than make up for it. I like Vin, through her good and bad decisions, and her temper tantrums, I still adored her, and I really like the changes in Elend. I've always had a soft spot for the super good character, and elend is that. I really liked his character development in this book. They aren't exactly relatable to me, but I can see myself and perhaps joe in them sometimes. Like I said, I'm not directly relating, but I think the two characters are just relatable in general. I loved the ending. I don't care what anyone says, I like endings that make sense, and sometimes that makes them predictable. I knew elend would live, I knew vin would do the right thing, but I still loved seeing it happen.

Tomorrow, first thing I'm doing is getting the final book. I really want to see Elend with powers now.

Harry Potter, Bruno and new icons.

Mon, 20 Jul 2009 19:38:09 GMT

I saw HP6 a few days ago. I enjoyed it a lot actually. It's definitely the best of the films. FINALLY they stopped saying "if we don't cram every event from the books in here the fans will freak!" and instead said "let's keep the important bits, and interpret the feeling of the books, rather than the events one after another." It was a good movie. A lot of people really didn't like the focus on relationships but I thought it was fitting. This is a story about a boy, not about a magical world that happens to have a boy in it, if you know what I mean. The effects were really nice and the action was brief, but fitting. Dumbledore's death could have been a little more dramatic, or at least his funeral. I think that feeling may be just the lack of surprise, since I was waiting for it. I'm hoping the last two movies don't dissapoint, since some of my favorite scenes are in there. And please God, I hope they don't listen to the fans and remove the epilogue. They should keep it. Anyway, kudos on that.

Bruno was just ridiculous. Hilarious, but just... if you're going to see it, brace yourself hard. He pushes a lot furthur than he did with Borat. I've always liked his characters and his show. The Ali G movie didn't go that far, it was a reflection of the show. The Borat movie was definitely the show with a little more edge. Bruno however, was WAY over the top in the shock value. There were some really funny parts, some very ingenious pranks and some daring stunts, but come on, was it REALLY necessary to fling someone's penis around and then cgi it so the thing would stop and say "bruno" to the camera? I mean good god I wanted to gouge my eyes out. That bit was part of a show the character wanted to produce, and he was showing it to a focus group. haha they told him his show was worse than cancer. That bit was pretty good. Anyway I'd say it's a rent, and have your remote ready to fast forward.

In other news, my family has gone crazy again. They had some ridiculous fight recently. Let me reveal this story as it was revealed to me:

I've been sleeping for an hour and joe and I both have to get up early for something the next day. My phone is turned off, and christopher calls joe's phone, waking him up, and asks for me. I mutter a "this better be fucking important" as I pick up the phone. Christopher is in histerics, screaming and crying. I emediately think, "Oh shit, someone's hurt." I asked him to tell me what happened. He said he wanted to stay the night at a friends house, dad wouldn't let him, so he freaked out, went upstairs and threw a chair out of his window into the woods. My dad just hears this loud "thump" in the backyard, and as any parent would, he assumes the worst. He runs upstairs and sees christopher up there. "Jesus christ I thought you jumped" he shouts and christopher thinks it's ok to get ANGRY about this. That's when he called me. I was like "ok christopher hang on, let me get this straight. I was sleeping, and you called me crying because you threw a fucking temper tantrum!?" he started to say something, and I asked "what is going on right now?" and he said "I'm pissed at daddy." I started to yell at him and he hung up. So I called my dad and then my mom and talked to them. Apparently christopher was having a full blown mental breakdown. I tried to explain to my mom that because he was 17 and my parents were somewhat strict on him, he's probably losing his mind cuz he's almost an adult now, I mean I remember times when I was his age where I wanted to break something. My mom then explained that they'd been giving him a lot of freedom. He did a few chores in the morning, and then he could go do whatever he wanted later in the day. But when he stayed the night somewhere, he'd stay up all night and pass out when he got home in the morning, so he wouldn't do his chores. Hence why he wasn't allowed to go out again. Now I don't know how much truth I'm getting with any member of my family, but if what they said was true, christopher is just being a spoiled little brat. It's also possible that he's suffering from being around my family. That sounds mean, but my parents have a real way of getting you down and making you feel trapped. It happens a lot when I stay there, and I remember the feeling in high school. Maybe christopher just can't take it anymore, he's almost free, so he's freaking out. It would make sense, but he's got to get his shit together.

So yea. After the puppy (which I'm still in a blaming mood about) and all of this unnecessary drama, I am done with helping my family. Any info I get will be met with a "ok, whatever" instead of a helping piece of advice. They're all crazy.

Other than that bit of drama, things are pretty smooth and steady. I'm starting to prepare for the fall semester, I just turned in the last of my financial aid paperwork, and I'll need to apply for a salli mae loan soon for my new laptop. Then I'll be ALLLL set! That's really the only stress I have right now. Working out and dieting is going pretty smoothly, I just have to keep at it. so yea.

Henry

Mon, 13 Jul 2009 05:56:13 GMT

I was going to post something longer, but I burned a lot of time talking to Christopher on the phone. Henry, my family's new puppy, died friday from chewing on something and choking while nobody was home. It's very sad, but I'm a little angry too. I tried to kindly give my family advice on taking care of their dog, since I'm such an avid Cesar Millan fan. They didn't listen. I'm not saying they're necessarily to blame, this could happen to anyone's dog, especially a new puppy, but why get a puppy when all members of the house hold are very busy, encourage him to chew on things because it's cute, and then leave him outside for 4 hours? I don't really know what to think. I want my family to sit together and think hard and long about whether they should have a dog, and if so, what kind of dog would suite their life, instead of what did happen, which was my mom going to the pound, finding a cute dog and bringing it home. And I know she's completely distraught. However, every time my mom has been depressed about something, she's never learned from the situation, she's only thought of it as a bad situation. I sincerely hope she takes a good long look at herself. I really don't know whether I should be very sad and supportive of my family's loss, or furious. I need to sleep on this, maybe tomorrow I'll formulate a real opinion.

RIP Henry. Not even a year old.

Feeling confined

Sun, 12 Jul 2009 17:33:55 GMT

There were a few things that popped into my head today that I wanted to do. I could work on the mural rough draft, go out by myself to read or write or something, or I could work on the backyard, cutting the grass and such. What I really want to do is get out into nature. There are a few parks here that I haven't been to, there's the zoo, and there's belingrath. I want to go to belingrath honestly, but the drive is a little far and I'm not sure how much it is. I asked joe if he wanted to go somewhere with me, and he said yes, but he's gotta finish something first. I was like ok that's fine, I mean it's only noon. He said he was leveling a friend In WoW to 60 by running the guy through some raids with his level 80. I asked him what level the guy was at. 53. Are you serious? 7 levels? Do you have any idea how long it takes to level once your 50? A while. I don't think we'll end up going. I think joe has this mentality that he'll finish quickly, but I foresee him sitting in front of that computer for 8 hours while the sun goes down. I should think of something to do on my own. I can't go to Belingrath, I just checked the hours and they close at 5. I think I'd rather make that a day trip and do it earlier in the day. So I could go to one of the parks here, but meh, that could be boring if I'm by myself. I mean florida landscape is only so interesting. Argh, this is frustrating. These are times when I really miss california a lot. There are SOOO many places to hike and walk around there. If I wanted to go outside I could climb the hill right by the house, or go down the street and hike up that mountain. Ah sad. I looked online, the only place that looks somewhat interesting is a trail swamp area. The more I lookup what to do the more dissapointed I get. Perhaps today is not the day. I think I'll have to travel to find something interesting here.

UFC 100

Sun, 12 Jul 2009 03:01:54 GMT

Interesting fights. The first was between a Japanese guy from I think Osaka? Wherever. He was fighting a guy from Biloxi, MS which I got a kick out of. The mississippi guy was a little cocky, and they were pretty even throughout the fight. The announcers apparently REALLY wanted Mr. Biloxi to win, cuz their announcing was way biased. The japanese guy took it, which I was really happy about, because you don't see many strict martial artists (this guy was Judo) in the UFC. Right now I'm watching The british guy (bisping) from the UFC reality competition. I've always really liked him, his personality is very likeable, so I'm rooting for him. The announcers are still being ridiculous. I think they're a little too into their american pride. They claimed that because he was british and won the UFC show, the american he's fighting was pissed. I doubt it. Now they're talking about twitter. OMG I think I'd rather watch this on mute. Bisping is landing more, but Henderson (the american) is controlling the fight. Holy FUCK! the american knocked him out cold. Like he was out before he hit the mat. Aw so sad. Oh well, kudos to Henderson, that was a nice shot.

Updates from UFC 100 party. Me, Joe, Scouten, Chiles and hopefully Izzo will get here soon. Fun times.

Mistborn and Plans

Sat, 11 Jul 2009 15:52:51 GMT

This second book in the Mistborn series is very slow but steady. I think Brandon Sanderson is trying very hard to keep things interesting, but the pace is sluggish. There are hints of the Well of Ascension and the thought of Vin venturing into them (duh that's the name of the book) and Elend might finally be a little more useful. I really don't like his character compared to him in the first book. In the first one, he was a guy who really didn't care what people thought of him, and basically did what he wanted when he wanted, hence why he was always reading, cuz he just liked to. Now he's desperate for approval, and I get the character change, but it still doesn't seem like the Elend I liked. Vin is fine. Kelly had mentioned that there are moments she didn't like Vin, but I'm cool with her, in fact I'm getting increasingly bored with Elend because I'd rather hear about Vin. I just read the scene with Sazed when he walks up on the village that starved from fear of the mists, or so it seems. I actually liked this scene. Like really isn't the right word, but at least the foreshadowing is getting more interesting. The whole diplomatic war thing is boring as shit since it's all talk and no action at the moment. The concept isn't even that boring, but the conferences about what to do are reminding me of the parts of Eileanen that I just skipped over. I'll stick with the book though, I do want to know what happened, and I'm looking forward to the third book, so we'll see.

Plans for the California trip are a lot less stressful at the moment. I'm pretty close to buying the tickets, I'm just waiting for the next paycheck. I found really cheap tickets too, so I'm happy. Also, Ms. Yvonne will probably help with the costs. Looks like we're officially going, now we just need enough spending money to do everything we want to.

So I started a project that I haven't told Joe about. I haven't mentioned it deliberately, because Joe's reaction to projects can kill them at times. I think he would assume I wouldn't finish this one, which is a possibility, but I really don't care, I'm enjoying the process to be honest. My plan is to paint murals on the walls in the house. haha that looks ridiculous written out but that's what I want to do. I'm starting with my art room, I'm doing a city scape of San Francisco. Right now I'm doing the rough draft. I'm using a grid system of a photo to render it somewhat realistically, but the color will probably be exaggerated. I'll do a pencil rough, xerox it and do probably 2 or three color roughs with acrylic paint. Then when I'm satisfied, I'll draw it on the wall itself, and then purchase the paint and get to painting. If I finish this wall, I'll move onto the bedroom and do a wall in there, then one wall in the bathroom, then the guest room, then the guest bathroom, then living room, then kitchen, then dining room, then laundry room. I thought it would be cute to paint stuff around joe's computer saying " Joe's gaming corner" or something, I think he'd like that. I know he'd probably either not care, or assume I'm not going to finish this project, so I'm not mentioning it, because at the moment I'm still very excited about it.

I'm getting a little apprehensive about the summer ending. I've made some good progress this summer, but I'm anxious, mainly because school is not that far away. i've got a couple months to prepare for the fall, and there's a lot to be done. I have to register for classes, fill out my financial aid forms and find out how much financial aid I'm getting. I need to pick out a laptop and determine how much my supplies will cost, and get a sallie mae loan to cover it. Then I need to buy everything in time for the start of classes, and set up my new laptop so I'm ready. And let's not forget my usual art room reorganizing. I usually change my art room in some way for each semester, and I may reorganize it again. I need to make sure I"m completely settled in for the semester. I can't miss a beat this time since I"m taking a trip during school AGAIN, which usually messes me up. This time I need to keep up with school while in California. I might actually ask my teachers for a meet up, it might be nice to see them in person. I also worry about how much I'll be working out with school. I mean I'm getting comfortable with working out regularly, but the scale still hasn't moved, and it bothers me. I know I'm losing weight, I mean pants don't lie, all my clothes fit better now. I'm going to measure myself weakly now actually, to see if I'm losing inches but not weight. It makes sense, when I was at kelly's, I wasn't doing weights and i dropped weight. When I got back to my normal workouts I gained it back. Hopefully my measurements will confirm what I suspect is happening. I mean the girl I work with at work weighs the same as I do and is considerably smaller than me.

P.S: a message to Kelly - Harry Potter comes out Wednesday, are you gonna come over here to see it?

Writer's Block: Places to Lay Your Head

Fri, 29 May 2009 23:46:41 GMT

How many different places (cities, houses, apartments, dorm rooms, etc.) have you lived in? Which is your favorite? And your least favorite?

View 502 Answers

10. The first place was louisiana, where I grew up, then the cottage in Mississippi (where I was living when you met me,) then the Bowen house (the house with all the bushes in front) then the house my parents are in now, then I moved out and lived at shannon's place in indianapolis (cool place) then joe and I moved into our studio apartment. Then we moved to california and lived in his mom's house for a year. Then I moved BACK into my parents house (I consider this an edition because it was a very different environment than before.) Then joe and I got our apartment in Pensacola (the one you saw.) and then we moved into our house.

My least favorite is easy: the studio in Indy. I was poor, and we had no room, not to mention we lived in a brick rich and dangerous city. I liked living downtown, but it wasn't worth the uneasiness. the building itself reaked of failure. I hated that place.

My favorite, honestly is this house. I really like our house. Joe's mom house takes a close second. It would be my favorite house if it weren't for the drama and events that happened while living there, although she was always really great to me. As far as location, however, California wins. If I could live in this house, in cali, I would be very happy.

Thu, 07 May 2009 03:33:28 GMT

I had a sort of... epiphone tonight. I'm starting to realize something about pensacola, something very important.

Let's start from the beginning. I've always relied on outside influences to keep me happy, and to keep me inspired. When I was growing up in Mississippi, Kelly's house was my escape, and kelly was my inspiration. Then it moved onto Joe (not that kelly doesn't still inspire me) and Joe's house was really my escape. I've always loved walking around at night to make myself feel better. I have NEVER been used to feeling comfortable in my own house. I've always been used to a certain level of discomfort.

So, I moved to Indianapolis where I was VERY uncomfortable. The feeling wasn't new. After that I moved to California, where the awkwardness of living in my mother-in-laws house was mild but there. I experienced new happiness then, but it was still fueled by my friends, joe and my school.

Then came Pensacola. I have said I hated this place, I'm staying here almost as long as I stayed in Mississippi, and I sometimes feel trapped here. This semester in school was all of these feelings epitomized, as my grades are one C-, two D's and an F (so far.) But there has been something else.... brewing. I find that as joe works a lot and I'm generally left on my own, I've been feeling a new kind of happiness. It's not a moodshift, it's unshakable, and I think it's the beginning of a happiness I created for myself. I've really gone downhill since moving here. I've gained thirty pounds, I've struggled through a year of college and my house is barely decorated and always messy. All in all it's not a version of me I like.

And with these thoughts I start to think that Pensacola is a test. I've never solidly believed in a higher being or a greater plan, but I've always felt it was possible, and I really feel that Pensacola, since it's the LAST place I really want to be, is slowly shaping me into a better person. I've seen the light in California, and Pensacola has shown me the other side. It's possible for me to go down and become someone I hate, and I have the choice in front of me. I'm losing weight this summer, and getting some things straightened out. If I can conquer pensacola so to speak, I think I could be happy anywhere. I Can lose weight. I Can make straight A's next semester. I CAN take care of my house, and create the environment I had always thought of as my escape.

Which brings us to the last point. I keep forgetting that I'm ME, not someone else. I can't just eat whatever I want and not workout because joe does it a couple days, or because my mom does it. I can't procrastinate because I did it in high school, or because rachel does it. I can't keep a messy house because it's "Funny," or not a big deal. I have to start doing things that are ME, not someone else. Because I want to look at my situation as something I chose, not something that chose me. I WANT to be with joe, and I shouldn't feel that I need him, and it should be the same for everything in my life.

I think I'm starting to climb to that point where I stop thinking of myself as a work in progress and start thinking of myself as someone I like.

Tue, 05 May 2009 17:08:26 GMT

I stood, bloodsoaked, in the middle of the celebration. As fellow slayers and friends passed by they congratulated me and handed me drinks, and I breathed a sigh of relief. I'd done it, I'd killed the giant thing and completed the test. Thomas came up behind me, and grabbed my shoulder, startling me, "You've got some more work to do." I spun around and met his gaze,
    "What do you mean?" I was a little worried, my muscles ached from climbing the dragons back to get to it's head. I didn't exactly kill the thing in the manner I'd planned, and it was paying off now.
    "Well where should I begin?" He said, "The poor beast was gasping for air and choking on it's own blood for half an hour. Luckily it FINALLy passed away, but it wasn't really you that killed it is it? It was circumstantial considering you got knocked out after inflicting just enough damage to win." His eyes narrowed and pierced through me.
    "How did you..." I started.
    "You're not done with this one. You'll need to clean the mess, and we'll reset it for tomorrow."
    I was a little dumbstruck. I'd left a bloodbath in the room, the beast had indeed basically bled out, my finish wasn't as neat as I'd hoped. The whole place was bathed and I had assumed it would be enough.
    "I thought it was a simulation!"
    "Incorrect." He continued, "The beast is a clone. One that is designed to go down easily and PAINLESSLY, one thing you did not quite insure. Had that been a real dragon you would have died. We'll have to replace the one you destroyed with a new one, but first the room must be back to normal, otherwise the judging is compromised, so I suggest you get to work tonight after the celebration." The words were icy and intended to harm. Thomas expected a lot out of me, and under the frustrating exchange, I sensed that he would not have done this for someone else.
    So I stood in the party and thought of the long process I had before me of cleaning up a horrible, stink filled mess all night. And tomorrow, I'd have to do it right. Again, just like before the fight, I started thinking of myself, and where I'd rather be, but this time it was somewhat transformed. I HAD gone into the fight with an older blade, a heavier one. Perhaps I should take more care and thought into these test battles. The older ones always suggested treating every practice and test like it was the real thing, so that I'd be ready. Perhaps it was time for a new sword. It had been a couple years since I'd gotten a new one, and it would soften the blow of cleaning my mistakes a little. After that I'd have to get cleaning, since I didn't want to be up all night before another fight. I also resolved finally, to research the dragon furthur in the textbooks. If I took this more seriously, and pushed through it, perhaps the light at the end of the tunnel would come.

So it's tuesday. As expected, I didn't finish everything last night, and this week is THE week. Usually at my school, the last week is just a summery, and a chance for students like me to shove in any late work and extra credit. So this week is more like the last week. I'm so stressed right now I'm going crazy to be honest. I want to get out of the house, since I'm not working this week I predict I'll start getting cabin fever by the end of today, so I decided a trip to hobby lobby was fitting considering I need to resupply anyway. when your pencils are getting too short to hold, it's time to resupply. Then, I need to clean the house, since most of the mess is my art stuff thrown around and the remains of last night's dinner. Besides, if I clean it now, it won't get TOO out of hand by the end of the week. After that it's off to endless schoolwork, because there's A SHIT TON of it to do. I predict many movies in my future.

Mon, 04 May 2009 16:06:33 GMT

I stood at the threshold, behind a tree, thinking. I glanced periodically to the other side of my hiding place at the big open arena that lay before me, and the serpentine lizard that slumbered in the middle. The beast was an ugly light brown and fat. It's teeth showed through it's sleepy jaws menacingly. It was a dragon that wasn't always big. I'd been standing in this same position numorous times, I could have killed it when it was younger, weaker. The thing was a man-eater, and if I didn't go at it with everything I had, it would swallow me up as well. This was the test, and I was the only one who could do it.
    The truth is, I didn't want to at all. I stood behind the tree and let my sword rest on the ground. I didn't even want to start. There was another beast in the next room, one I would have to address in a couple weeks that would have been a much more entertaining battle. That one was a snake, and it shot fire and darted around, making for an exciting fight. This fat beast just laid there. It might nip at you, but mostly it was up to you to take the initiative. No defensive fighting with this behemoth. It would be a long battle, because the thing would cover every weakness and defensive flaw it had. It was an annoying battle to think about. So I just stood with my back to the tree and faced the wall. I knew all I had to do was start. First I'll go for the tail, since it's the only weakpoint he won't be protecting in the beginning. Once that is properly cut off, he'll writhe and hold his wound, exposing his ribs. A few wounds there would leave him disoriented, and angry, and he'll start getting more agressive. The mouth is the only way to put him down, but he won't open it until he has to. I'll have to inflict more damage, maybe in the eye or ribs again, and he'll finally lunge. His mouth will open up and my sword will go straight through his skull. It was a heavy task. I was still reluctant.
    I kept thinking of everything I'd much rather be doing. If I had to fight a beast I'd much rather be fighting the one in the next room, but I couldn't address that one until this one was down. Other than that I'd rather be doing something a little more peaceful and relaxing. I'd rather be reading or sparring with other fighters. I had heard from many other accomplished slayers that the first fight is the hardest. They say you start to enjoy the battle, no matter what it is, simply for the accomplishment and joy of fighting. I took the advice but didn't quite understand how they got over that initial dread. What had I gotten myself into?
    Finally, I came to terms with it. I had nothing else to do but this. I could convince myself otherwise, but it wasn't the truth. I lept out from the tree, grabbed my sword and charged, yelling. The dragon opened it's giant eye and glared down at me. Realizing I was ready, it reared up and opened it's big mouth, which was very unexpected. In a low but feminine voice it belted, "It's about time."

So it's monday and today marks the very end of Module 13 out of 15 of them this semester. I have a LOT of work to do today. Enough that it honestly does feel like I'm jumping into an uneven battle. Just to clarify, this is what I've got to accomplish:

typography:
-all excersizes and projects finalize and make ready for final (there are 5 ex and 3 projects)
-post in all three discussion topics at least twice
-take remaining quizes

Clothed Figure Drawing
-Do sketchbook exersize
-do homework
-take remaining quizzes

Illustration 2
-Complete late project (almost done)
-complete late excersize
-post in discussions
-complete M13 exersize
-complete final project rough work
-take remaining quizzes
-do extra credit work

Scifi/fantasy
-complete final
-post in all discussion at least twice
-take remaining quizzes

Ok when I write it out it makes me even more nervous. the truth is most of this stuff I've already almost done, I just have to finish it up. I don't expect to finish this all today. I think my priorities are as follows:

1. scifi fantasy final
2. CFD work (cuz i can't turn it in late)
3. type discussions and work for THIS module
4. illustration work
5. type final

So why am I wasting time writing this instead of working? Because Lauren is a super-procrastinator... that's why. Ah, but honestly, this post did make me feel better. I think it's time to start, especially since it just started raining and I'm outside.

Tue, 07 Apr 2009 23:41:28 GMT

it's official. I'm taking the summer off. Thank god, because this semester was seriously the worst so far. I may fail one of my classes... mainly due to a strict, tight ass wound up teacher who thinks typography is what we should all live for. God damn graphic design teachers are evil.

electric troubles

Fri, 03 Apr 2009 13:54:16 GMT

there was a really bad storm yesterday while I was doing schoolwork, and as you'd expect, I was pretty involved in my work. My dog was getting scared so I took a break and went to comfort her, and out of nowhere, lightning struck the house twice and a loud pop came from the entertainment system. I knew something bad had happened, so I called joe and told him. Everything was working, but there was no communication between the tv and the other electronics, so I couldn't say for sure that everything was ok. I turned around and saw that our computer was on, but that the monitor had lines going down it and was obviously fried. the laptop was fine. He didn't say anything and i could tell he was really upset, so he hung up. I felt bad, but I had no idea how mad he was. When he got home, he wouldn't even look at me. According to him (as I found out later) I should have unplugged everything when I heard the storm. I've NEVER had to do that with my parents' stuff, and joe's told me that once and I guess I forgot while my dog was shivering. I was pretty pissed that HE was pissed to be honest. It felt horrible to have him look at me like he was dissapointed. I went up to him and explained the situation, and basically said, "Look, yea something bad happened and technically it could have been prevented, but it was an act of nature and you're sitting there blaming me like I broke the damn monitor myself." not in those exact words.

Oh, and last night the internet died as well, but that's a community thing, it wasn't just our house.

This morning joe seems a lot better, I think he slept off his steam somewhat and he seems to be back to his old self thank god. Brooding pissy joe is no fun at all. Only downside now is that I have to go to a coffeeshop to do schoolwork, and of course we'll need to replace a few things, which couldn't have come at a worse time. (we're trying to save up for an august trip, and I may be saving up for a kelly trip.) so money's gonna be really tight after this. On the bright side, there's a command picnic today so hopefully that'll cheer both of us up.